Irrationality

An hour. One can do so much with an hour, or so little. You can get 65 miles away from where you are right now in an hour. You can make someones day in an hour, some times by traveling 65 miles. You can drink 4 or 5 beers in an hour...I can drink 4-5 beers in an hour. I can drink alone, and accomplish nothing. I can drink with others, perhaps having a meaning full conversation in an hour. I could drink with others and never talk about anything even though we are saying words to each other the whole time. An hour, your hour, is what ever you choose it to be obviously. Obligations, habit, biological needs, other constrictions can help decide what you do with most of your hours, but its up to you to make the last call.

Time is so much more valuable than money, its almost incomparable. You can have as much money as you want, if you work for it, or some times not. Money is infinite, and time is most certainly not. You can never know how much time you actually have. Its like having a bank account that just always seams to have money in it. You don't know if someday it will run out. I could die tomorrow. But we all could, and that's the risk we take every day. So because it's inevitable, we should not live in fear, as it does no good what so ever. Time is indefinite.

So, time can be divided into units. Lets turn back to the hour. A class period, a 65 mile sojourn, a increment of a paycheck, 4-5 beers, a meal at a restaurant, an episode of tv/radio; enough time to strike oil, get married, die, do the dishes, read a chapter (I'm a slow reader), conceive a child, save a life, end a life, end your life, enough time to figure out how to use a ; correctly... the possibilities are vast.

Time isn't money, its something completely different.

Dear ****

I am writing you this letter to explain my past and forthcoming actions towards you.

There are moments in your life that give you so much insight into your own person that the result is often shocking, but sometimes it is exactly what you expected. Often these moments happen towards other people as well, where you are presented with a glimpse of who someone else is, and you can see it better than that person themselves.

I gave you everything I could give you for as long as I could, but the point has come where I can no longer ignore my self and what it knows. I have to know remove my self completely from you, because I am left with little choice. I fear that I don't cut you out of my life now, while I still have some of my self left, then I will fall and shatter like I have before. I have learned my lesson from before and I can plainly see where this is headed, and it is not good for either of us. I know that you are just using me because you want to feel like someone still cares about you, and you want sympathy. I can no longer give that to you because of your lack of reciprocation, lack of commitment, communication, and because you are using me until you find something (someone) else. As you walk down that path, it is becoming abundantly clear to me that I can not follow.

My wish for you is that you find your self. I wish that you become exactly the person who you would like to become, and nothing less. I wish for you that you will one day get the ability to see this situation as I saw it and that it changes you. I hope that you embrace adversity and grow from it, rather than hide from it or worse, let it destroy you. I have every once of faith that you will be fine, but its going to be a long road that you are not near the end of. I pray that as you reach the end of that path you find peace and that something or someone is waiting for you, but it will not be me.

As for me, I'll be just fine. I leave this knowing that I gave you everything I could. I know that I could have done no more, and that comforts me. I will now just live my life, as I did before you, having learned a little bit more about my self and about life. I do thank you for that, as well as the good times we had. You do still mean a lot to me, and I will never stop caring about you. You will never know. So I guess that's it. Ill return you belongings to you as soon and as discreetly as I can. I wish you the best, always. Good luck.

Evan

God gave us voices... and with that, the choice to use it.

There are times when I wonder whether or not to speak my mind/heart or not. There are many times where I sit back and muffle my self as to prevent the persistent chanting my head to come echoing out for all to hear. I fear my words and thoughts, as they may change my life and the lives of others in ways that shouldn't have been. I fear that the situations upon which I have thoughts would solve them selves much better with me saying nothing. Words change everything. I very rarely give my self that power.

I though that it would be cool to try and catalog things that my crazy mind has learned in a day. These are notes i wrote to my self on my phone and I am translating them to a blog post. These are all directed at me. As always please don't judge me for spelling, grahmer, or other mistakes. That is if any one will read this. On the off chance you stumble on to this wonderful collection of randomocity, then enjoy your self.

What I learned the other day.

Never drink a lot mid week (I've made that mistake a few times)

Mountain dew is a great way to boost my brain function in the morning. Coffee is great for tests as well because it helps direct my mental energies into a singular direction.

Don't shy away from daunting tasks, just do them. If it seams to hard, then work harder at it, it may not be as hard as you originally anticipated.

Remove distractions when studying.

Make time for friends.

Eat lunch. A healthy and cheep one is preferred. Usually not available at the Union.

Breath deliberately, deep, and low when singing. Breathing is the secret to it all.

Old friends are a great source of advice. Both friends who you have know for a while, and friends who are old in age. Old people know more on average. Don't forget that. Sometimes they don't.

Music cravings, as well as everything, goes in cycles.

Love is magical and more powerful than a lot of things.

When you play melodies on the very upper keys of a piano, they sound tinny and ultimately sound far different than the lower notes before it. Use the extreme ranges of the piano with caution.

Don't be cocky. Be humble.

People lie, even the closest of friends will lie to you.

Surround your self with the people you want to be like.

Most people are selfish and narrow minded. You are no different, just work on it.

Finding out the problem gets you more than halfway to the solution.

Pepper spray can clear out an entire bar.

Never trust hospitality majors.

Friends are good

So is sleep.

Stay classy world.

and be sure to 'Rember the Alamo!

Evan

Leadership

A good leader is some one who listens to opposing views carefully, and makes sure not to move on until everyone has been heard and that they are all agree on the course of action. I have a very developed bull shit detector and mine will good of from time to time. I can tell right away when someone is pulling a trick to try and convince a group of people of a particular action. Whether it’s pulling the seniority card or the exaggeration card, trust me I can see right through that and when you pull both of those cards in the same argument; I lost a little respect for you. If your argument is a correct one, then you should have to exaggerate things to make your point, oh and by the way, exaggeration is bit like lying. Also using your position to force your ideals on a group of people isn’t only fair, it’s kinda crooked because you’re in a position that people need to trust you.

I will never accept anything a person says with “it’s just the way things are” at the end of their statement. That statement is incorrect. If you are in a position that you have to make excuses for, then you’re not doing good enough. If you can’t control your own situations, then what can you control? If a person goes above your head and does something you didn’t approve, then you fix it and don’t say that’s the way it goes, because you’re the one that makes it go like that.

I’m trying this writing thing for both good and bad days to try and get things off my chest and feel better about all things.

I love when people use their positions to push their ideas/morality/designs on others. I also love when the people go along like sheep in a chute, following each other blindly. I also love when people exaggerate things to make their point/case look better. I also love that when I talk to someone about their argument and I have though more about it than they have. Its particularly fun when I say something that supports their case that they haven’t thought of yet. They act like that’s what they have been trying to tell you the whole time when in reality you just solved there problem for them. Love that! I also love the excessive hand shaking and compliments that said people give you to try and get you to give up your disagreement because they know that if you pushed it, they would lose.

The world isn’t a perfect place, and even the best people get greedy. I guess we all got to keep fighting the good fight.

Stay classy world

On the Better end of Manic Depression

So I just had a pretty good night. Hung out with someone who was pretty special. We had so much deeply in common, yet she was very different. I love when you meet some one that you can se your self in but also see what you wish you were. That to me is the most appealing thing about a significant other. Not only being the same, but knowing that they have something special that you didn't know that you always wanted but don't have already. (yea)

I have dated girls before that had so much in common with me that we were like the same person. When that goes away though and you get comfortable, then that similarity kinda fades and you begin to dig deeper. In some cases, when you dig deeper, you look for different things they have that you don't. It is at this point that you MUST like what you see, and almost envy them a bit. I have seen people that, not to sound conceded, have not a whole lot to offer. I want a girl to blow my mind damnit! Some times things just get boring if you have nothing to gleam from your somebody. The best relationships Ive been in have been good because I envied that person for they had that I didn't.

I became really catholic for a girl once because I admired her faith so much that I wanted it. She was also a good piano player, so I started playing piano. I learned so many cool things from the chick, to bad she screwed me over, but thats a different blog for a different day/or not. I was really into that relationship because I felt so lucky to be with her and I was soo interested in her life that I wanted to know every thing about it.

In contrast, I have been in relationships where I really don't get excited about a person. They were great and all, and we had a lot in common, but at the end of the day I didn't really feel drawn into there lives, or worse yet, I kinda didn't care. I hate being that guy, so I usually end it before we get to attached, maybe thats commitment issues but thats a blog again for a different day.

So, I feel like I just had a break through. I now know what I want/need in a relationship. Someone who fits all the other criteria that I have, plus now, someone that I extremely admire, like there life is awesome and I want to be like them. Basically I need to find a beautiful girl who is way better than me in every aspect and that is ultimately way out of my league. Great... But its going to be worth it. To demonstrate my resolve here is a song. Thanks world.

Til Kingdom Come

Still my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheel just keeps on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

My attempt at writing more.

Creativity is a muscle some people say. If I want to be more creative I suppose I should create more.

As one gets busy, to the point of complete immersion in work, one may find it hard to have free time. Now that I have a bit more time I'm going to write. Another thing some one said is to write crap.

This seams like the perfect place to write crap. No one reads it so I don't have to feel bad about wasting anyones time. Also, if by chance some one does read this, I can tell them right now that this is crap.

Some times there also the issue of deciding what piece of crap I would like to create. For this instance I would like to write crap about people.

"People" are sometimes the greatest thing and worst thing in life, to me. Some times I love being around people and having fun or working with them. Some days though, people make me want to move out to a cabin in the woods and never talk to anyone again. Yes people are a double edged sword. People of influence can be both good an evil. The question is I suppose, is there more good people than bad people. In my life, I have seen my share of people who absolutely fall on the good side, but I have also seen people who I think are complete evil. I would consider my self on the good side of the middle but I am not perfect. I have made fun of people, I talk about people behind there back, I am not the best person. I do try my best to be a kind and gracious person.

The question still remains, is there more evil or good people. My answer is evil. But when you find a good person and your on there team of all this, its a wonderful thing. Its like seeing two yins a yang convention. I think since it's easier not to care about other people and its easier to sell out and not do what is right the world will always have more evil people.

My that sounds awful pessimistic, but really I look at it like a challenge. Be nice, be kind, talk to people, anybody, people who you have no business with. Don't start sentences with the phrase "not to be a dick but..." because your almost always gonna be a dick with the rest of the sentence; don't be a dick. ( I have no real idea where/when to use semi colons.) Don't act like you are entitled to everything, cause your not. Work for everything. Don't belittle/make fun of other people to make your self feel better. Tell the truth and don't lie, cause it really sucks to be lied to, and its so easy not to lie. When you think about telling a lie, DON'T! Just tell the truth and if it causes a problem, deal with it then, because if you lie about the problem, your just gonna have to deal with it later and then that person will be double pissed. And also, listen to people when they are talking to you, that one isn't to hard either, and never (verbally) judge some one for how they feel..But I like to rationalize in stead of judge. (Might be the same thing as judging)

So to be a good person is not hard, its just harder than being a good person. Thus evil is. Anyway. what was kinda my rant and attempt at writing a little thing for today.

Stay classy world.

Evan